Story of Awakening: Artyom Isaikin
Awakened on January 28th, 2017
My search and awakening.
Perhaps I would say that I had started my search for something by the age of 18, just some way to become wiser, more humane, better so to say. That brought me to Paul Bragg’s book Miracle of Fasting, which inspired me to start healthy lifestyle. Fasting, raw food diet, daily sports, fresh air, cold shower, sunbathing, fitness exercises, breathing meditations… It took me 6 months to get to the state of euphoria. I wasn’t walking, I was floating on the wind 🙂 It was such a state of lightness, my body was overwhelmed with joy, power and health as well as with the feeling that anything in life could be changed if I really wanted it. It was as if I had been preparing for my whole life to start changing something and that book turned my life around each time I turned its page!
But I wanted more than just to improve my health, in fact I didn’t care about my health at all, because there was so much suffering in my life that I felt there’s no life in me. But Paul Bragg’s offer had this liveliness for me and for others. I wasn’t aware that it was the path that attracted me, a path that allowed me to help myself and to many others. However, my aspiration was enough only for 3 years, 2 of which I still suffered as before just with some short breaks.
I fell in love with a girl who had a diploma in medicine and she didn’t accept that kind of life as it often happens with people who see things in a traditional way. Having great health I lacked inner peace and was often depressed becoming a loose cannon. That knowing-too-much problem was my daily companion until I broke up with my girlfriend.
I got disappointed with my aims and in my dream to serve people, I realized that good health doesn’t change anything significant in my life. I kept on living a healthy lifestyle, but without enthusiasm, without passion, it’s just something good and healthy. My purpose of life which was constant evolution and accumulation of knowledge was lost. I couldn’t get it back.
My old friends such as emptiness, loneliness, apathy and depressive moods returned to me, although there wasn’t as much suffering at that time probably because I got wiser at least about anything. It was nothing extraordinary for me. Up to 18 years old, starting from about 7, I took active part in these horror and absurd films, where I tried to calm and cut off the first drunk scandals in the family between my parents. It lasted for many years including regular nervous breakdowns, tantrums, scandals with my sister and father, squabbles between all family members, mental pressure and insults from my father (only at 27 I found out that my father was actually my stepfather), health issues (skin problems, nervous system problems, regular concussions etc.) as well as in relationships with other people whom I tried to avoid. Every holiday in the life of ordinary people became a nightmare in mine. I often thought a lot about suicide, but couldn’t commit it, because of my devotion and love to my grandmother with whom I lived like in paradise in peace and joy until I turned 7 and moved to my parents. I have this bright, contrasting memory which became my guide. I was about 14 when I realized that I was turning into some kind of monster and I wanted to avoid that, I wasn’t like that before, I had to change myself! I didn’t know how to do it at that time and that’s why I was pushing myself as much as I could to gain total control over myself.
I guess I’ve reevaluated everything that happened to me back then and I’m grateful for this experience which became a fuel for my movement towards the Light. But keeping in mind these circumstances probably I didn’t search for anything and I didn’t have enough strength or awareness to look at the world more broadly.
Only a few things in my life helped me to endure everything that happened and to remain more or less an adequate person, still hiding within myself a tremendous tension that was building up over the years of suppressing my feelings and emotions. I won’t describe these balancing moments that helped me at this period in detail, I’ll just mention them briefly: computer games, frequent lucid dreams from the age of 7 till 16, unconditional love towards my grandmother who was prophesied to end up in an insane asylum. I knew that I couldn’t allow myself to commit a suicide as I was sure she wouldn’t be able to overcome that and another small, simple but powerful reason for which I don’t know who to thank other than the Creator or Life itself… There was a strong conviction that emerged within me. The conviction that life is preparing me for something.
By the age of 24 I lost the ability to laugh which was the last straw that finally pushed me to ask God for one thing, to gain a dream and meaning of my life.
I clearly realized that they had to be so big that I wouldn’t be able to get disappointed by them. At that time I wasn’t really sure what this dream and meaning could be. But that is how I found practical knowledge, learned the method of developing myself within the team and started the liberation of my life which has been going on for 7 years now.
I think it’s quite obvious that I had to work on myself a lot, because my attitude towards myself, life and other people was quite far from perfect. What fascinated me was amazing results that I got from my very first practices, the results that were more and more fruitful and I didn’t have any doubts that I found what I needed.
Significance of my past gradually faded away as I gained new understanding and vision of Life. There still were some very hard times but I always knew that in reality I could get through everything and it’s just part of cleaning of me, my mental state and nervous system. During these times I always got help from people within the team, that way I could overcome everything.
There were so many lessons and experiences during those 7 years, so it could be compared with tens of lifetimes. There were times as if I relived years of my teenage depression within just days or weeks, it was very tough, but understanding of these processes and why they happened like that always helped. It was already a conscious observation of myself not just useless suffering as it was before. Only after 6 months of practice I started to feel myself like an adequate person and after another 18 months I felt myself a happy person. Later I became an instructor and started to teach the practice, in addition to that I actively participated in formation of our team. I started to have awakening experiences and saw wisdom of life in everything that happened. After 3 years I found my life partner, someone who shares my aspirations. I also revised my attitude towards my parents, my sister and all people whom I could hurt, I felt respect and gratitude towards them and repented for the things I carried like a burden and felt guilty about.
I started to value Life and every moment of it. I took responsibility for my thoughts, decisions and actions. During these 7 years I had such a tremendous and concentrated life experience that it could only be compared with the most intense and most interesting studies at some famous academy. It’s impossible to fully thank neither Genadiy, nor friends in the team nor Life itself which just flows through me like an endless stream.
Between January and February 2017 I reached a constant spiritual awakening. It was so simple and unspeakably powerful at the same time. Apparently, life was squeezing me out just like a toothpaste out of an almost empty tube as it was a hard life period in every part of it. Of course, the practice helped to overcome these things, but at that time I lived under constant stress. One day I just got tired of endless stress and went to have a rest in the middle of the day. To take a nap. And then just by observing the process of falling asleep I realized that consciousness is unable to sleep. And then I felt as if I discovered another dimension within me, dimension that was independent of anything else. I realized that consciousness can’t be turned off, it is always present. It always was and is. In addition to that, this presence is the foundation for us to be able to experience and perceive anything in life. Even more, everything is made out of it. After realizing all that I also felt something that was creating all of that, the Source. It’s impossible to describe it with words no matter how hard I tried… words just can’t get to the essence of that.
During these days I lived in two realities simultaneously, it was my ordinary life and in space of incredible, blissful fullness. At the same time I noticed how something inside me tried to do something. That’s how I can explain it… At the end of the 3rd day I finally noticed that creator inside, which made him melt under my attention just like an ice cube thrown into the fire. This was a very quick process that was followed by an unusual feeling of disgust and agony of that something.
Since then much changed even more radically than in previous years as the constant presence and sense of one’s own nature makes it possible to live in a completely different way. The sense of insularity disappeared, perception of others became purer and free of judgments, the whole idea of judgments disappeared altogether. The permeating beauty of the world is seen in everything whenever I become internally still.
I started to feel great pleasure from everything that I do, at the same time routine and unconscious actions disappeared from my life completely. Even things that I had trouble with became very easy to do. Clarity of consciousness and right decisions became my constant companions. There’s a source of warmness, gratitude and empathy that unraveled within me as well as a need to bring benefit to others became more prominent. Obsession about anything and fixation on only myself disappeared. There’s comfort in my body, thoughts and feelings which is felt constantly. The suffering itself is gone, although I feel all sorts of experiences that are still being released out of me, however, all of that is happening differently now, freely and easily. Because of that, any kind of stress lasts much shorter and it is experienced much easier. Besides that, reasonable and cordial attitude towards people and the world overlay any experience. Difficulties are still left but the attitude towards them is completely different, they became even pleasant, because there’s an understanding that I am growing a lot more by overcoming them.
Looking back I understand that Life always did good to me and there wasn’t anything that I couldn’t have overcome to move forward. Everything was done with great care and only for my benefit. I saw how Genadiy’s method worked for me for all these years and how I resisted it by constantly bargaining with life until that habit played itself out.
I could keep on mentioning all the changes for a long time, but in essence, everything that’s unnecessary, superficial and obstructs the natural flow of life simply disappeared. That’s right, it is natural for each of us, we all lived in it as children, but at some point we lost it. And now it got back and I really want to share it with others. And I sincerely hope that my story will help you to understand that you can overcome every obstacle in life. A bit of trust and desire to hear life’s calling will help tremendously.