Story of Awakening: Yuliya Kyssa
Awakened on October 12th, 2016
Since early ages I was an extraordinary reasonable and inquisitive child. I communicated with adults as an equal, I lived on communication. I was fascinated by life and events taking place in it. I can say that before I turned 20 years old I had a life of a golden kid who wanted for nothing. I was spoiled and absolutely selfish. I received everything and even more than that without special efforts. Lifelong I had a feeling that life was passing by. Later on I realized I had been straving for depth for all that time. I searched for people who would share my aspirations and interests. Natural prudence and common sense did not allow me to be a loose cannon, but I kept on looking for. I looked for life in other people and in the world around me. I was always interested in the way and in the reason why everything works here. I asked many questions.
Then a point of no return came into my life. It is such a moment, getting over which, you will never be the same again.
At this stage I met face to face with human treachery in its different forms, loss, fatal diseases and finally with death itself. I felt so much pain which I could hardly handle. I endured it thanks to support of close people. I would not cope with these situations by myself. Several times for a single year my life got completely destroyed. When you face death, you feel all that helplessness. When a close person dies on your hands and you can do nothing it just kills you. Even the strongest people give up. That endured grief cleans you inside and brings closer to the truth, of course, if you have enough power and conscious. I had enough. That last straw was a car accident, and all my life flashed in front of me just like in a movie. I realized that I needed help and that I would not get out of that deadlock by myself. I was dying of powerlessness and misunderstanding how to cope with it, and the main thing was FOR WHAT REASON ALL THAT HAPPENED to me, because before that everything was just perfect.
By my nature I am a psychologist therefore I learned life through a prism of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, I learned people and various techniques and physical practices. For about a year I gained knowledge, communicated with people, learned life through mind and body. Then I got engaged in psychoanalysis devoting to self-discovery about a year. By that moment I understood laws of life fairy well, I perfectly felt it, I saw signs that life wanted to tell me, I distinctly heard the inner voice. However, there was no happiness. It was gone after the death of that dear person. I continued my search.
My mind was already oversaturated, physical practices entertained me, but did not let me go into depth. Once I read a book by Andrey Bashun Conversation with Angels then immediately I decided to take the course Open Heart. At that moment I already heard myself well and knew that it was what I really needed. In this respect it was much easier for me than for other guys, I can explain that by internal maturity when there are no doubts, you feel your nature, there is knowledge and you just go there.
To tell that it was difficult is to tell nothing. During one month course I had so many insights as never before. There was such a flow of internal information and light, it just pulls the rug from under us. Speed depends on your dedication as well as on desire backed up by actions. I was entirely involved in it. Spiritual work became the most important one in my life. After this course I hesitated for some time whether it was worth continuing. Actually I consciously bargained with life because I precisely knew that it was necessary for me, but I felt what a difficult way I was starting. Despite that the DECISION was made.
I would tell that it is the most difficult way out of all possible ones. That is SPIRITUAL WORK. The decision was made, I continued training. My PURPOSE was to AWAKE, and I wanted to make it as fast as possible. DESIRE was comprehensive. I moved as a bulldozer without paying attention to experience, objections of mind and various resistances. Communicating with fellow students, I understood that I did not need more tests and pain to achieve the PURPOSE. I was ready, all I needed was just time to tighten a body and mentality. Every time when I overcame myself, it seemed to me that I would not be able sustain any more. However, I managed it, and walls fell over again and again. Sometimes it was so painful that it seemed that you were dying. Actually some part of your EGO was constantly dying and falling off. But there was HAPPINESS. At last I began to smile and even to help others. Of course, without team and my family it would be impossible.
Almost after one year of my practice there was a RETREAT in Latvia. During it I totally gave up. When we were given individual sound harmony, I was overflown by huge JOY and overwhelming feeling of festival. Next day, doing the program in the wood, I realized that there is NO NEED to DO ANYTHING ANYMORE, I came HOME. Tears of happiness rolled down the face, it was the biggest event in life out of all possible ones. It is what we came here for. Huge joy overflowed me because all suffering and pain were left behind from now on.
As if you were walking along the road for a very long time, you collected whole baggage full of different experience, emotions and intellectual concepts. You dragged that baggage which weighed a lot, but you kept carrying it because you saw the purpose. On the way you met many good people who shared your way for some time. And at last you arrived. You dumped all baggage, you turned out to be at home, safe and warm. Where it is quiet and cozy. And the most important thing is that YOU DO NOT NEED to go ANYWHERE! Deadly fatigue got replaced by relaxation.
I always sensually perceived life therefore during practice I had many various experiences and samadhi states. Over time I just stopped paying attention to them and directed all power to moving.
WHEN YOU AWAKE EVERYTHING CHANGES. It is an incredibly interesting process when everything seems to stay the same but at the same time you perceive it in absolutely different way. You look at your family and as though you see them for the first time. Actually it is the first time you really perceive life the way it really is. Every instant is absolutely fine and filled. At the beginning it was very difficult because of such saturation. It took several months for me to adapt to absolutely NEW PERCEPTION of LIFE. Emotions overflowed, DELIGHT AND HAPPINESS because YOU exist, seemed to tear you apart from inside. And all people around you felt it, they also were changing.
What did awakening give me? FREEDOM, purity of perception of the world, REST and absolute HAPPINESS not depending on external conditions. That is the best that you can make for the family and the world in general. To awake and help others to make it. As when you are happy and so filled, it is necessary to share it.
However, after AWAKENING the WAY does not come to an end. Absolutely not, it JUST BEGINS. Because further processes proceed absolutely differently, on another level. Everything happens easily, internal work becomes more saphisticated. You do not force yourself continuously anymore and do it easily and naturally.
Awakening is very a NATURAL PROCESS to which each of us will come. The question is how fast and ainfully it will be. Because being in a team, in practice, it is possible to make it much easier and quicker with the help of awareness and gratitude.
Not many people are ready for INTERNAL WORK. It is the WAY FOR STRONG AND MATURE PEOPLE! The way during which you find absolute FREEDOM. You BEGIN to LIVE full and happy life.